We're Rich, You're Dead!


Global Massacre™
  Global Massacre is Licensed to Kill's international flagship brand, which the company is banking on to boost its global profits. The associated promotional campaign is designed to communicate to the public that mass killing for profit is cool. Promotional items include trading cards featuring some of the most deadly tools of the trade, e.g. machetes, landmines, and cluster bombs, with taglines like "Guns kill a lot of people. But LtoK kills more!"

  L2K is Licensed to Kill's premier cigarette brand. Chock full of tar and nicotine, not to mention hundreds of carcinogenic chemical additives, L2K is guaranteed to hook you hard and leave you gasping for breath.

  CHAIN is a hip chocolate-flavored brand for youth who are just beginning to experiment with smoking. The name and logo allude to the chains of addiction associated with Licensed to Kill's products. The slogan for CHAIN is "Smoke CHAIN and become a CHAIN smoker!"



Genocide is a brand that embodies the spirit of our company. Webster's dictionary defines "genocide" as the "deliberate and systematic killing of a racial, political, or cultural group." That is, in a nutshell, what our company is all about. We know that our products will kill 50% of our customers prematurely, but we deliberately and systematically target market them to African Americans, the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community, and Asians (to name just a few!) - basically, any group that we can make money off of.

Serial Killer™
Serial Killer honors our company's expertise in the art of repeat homicide. We kill and then we go out and do it again, and again, and again. The brand's marketing strategy seeks to connect smoking Serial Ks to the rebellious spirit of serial murderers, with the taunting slogan "You'll have to lock me up to stop me from killing again…" Luckily for Licensed to Kill, Inc, we don't have to worry about that happening any time soon!

WOMD, short for "Weapon of Mass Destruction," is a contemporary brand name that gets to the heart of what our company's products are all about. Licensed to Kill, Inc hopes to negotiate the complimentary shipment of one million cartons of WOMD to U.S. military bases in Kuwait and Iraq. It's our way of honoring the long tradition of tobacco companies killing, er supporting, our troops abroad. In the U.S., a new promotional campaign for WOMD will feature George W. Bush, a real friend of the tobacco industry, and the slogan "WOMD - Smoke 'em out!"

Coming soon: Throat Hole™, Chemo™, Dead Poor™, limp™, and More!

© 2003 Licensed to Kill, Inc
Website disclaimer: Licensed to Kill, Inc stands by the veracity, but not the morality
of the contents of www.licensedtokill.biz, as well as the behavior of our company and its public statements.