We're Rich, You're Dead!


As presented by CEO Rich Fromdeth & Senior VP of Corporate Communications "Core" Prutspin at L2K's 2004 Annual Meeting of Stockholders

We would like to begin by first reiterating our company's purpose, which is: to manufacture and market tobacco products in a way that each year kills over 400,000 Americans and 4.5 million other people worldwide.

The company got off to a rocky start last year, when a bunch of annoying teenagers held a demonstration in front of Virginia's state capitol to denounce the state's incorporation of Licensed to Kill.

Soon after, Licensed to Kill received a letter from Virginia's Assistant Attorney General asking the company to clarify what its business is about. The Assistant Attorney General noted that, "while the State Corporation Commission is not tasked with policing the intent of a corporation, this office is concerned with the safety and welfare of the citizens of the Commonwealth. Certainly it would be inadvisable for your corporation to engage in unlawful conduct in Virginia." View full letter

Licensed to Kill sent a response to the Assistant Attorney General, asking whether she had "sent similar letters to the directors of other tobacco companies that are already killing thousands of Virginians each year? Or, may I assume that your concern with respect to Licensed to Kill will disappear if our company decides to manufacture and market tobacco products in the same manner as those other companies?" The company received no response.

The great thing about a limited liability corporation such as our own is that the owners of the company (stockholders) cannot be held legally responsible for the damage caused by the company. If you own a lemonade stand and your lemonade makes a bunch of people sick, you can be held legally liable for the damages you cause to them. However, if you incorporate the lemonade stand, then the corporate law says you (as owner and stockholder) cannot be held liable. This allows you, our wonderful stockholders, to focus on the money we are making you (not the "wellbeing" of our company's loyal, er addicted, wheezing, cancer ridden customers!)

Yes, we may have gotten off to a rocky start, but luckily those in the business world were quicker to recognize the legitimacy of our company. Soon after we were incorporated, we began receiving free copies of the Wall Street Journal -- apparently a special perk for Virginia corporations!

We also got a letter from the Virginia Department of Business Assistance (DBA) with the headline "Virginia is Open for Business." "Whether you are a new business or just new to Virginia, there is an important resource to help your business...and it is free. The Virginia Department of Business Assistance (DBA) is the state's economic development agency devoted to the growth and success of the Commonwealth's existing business..."

And we began receiving numerous applications for business credit cards,
such as:
Capitol OneAmerican Express, Fleet, Citibank/American Airlines

American Express even offered us a $75 annual fee waiver. Not a bad deal in the state of Virginia. With that amount of money, we could incorporate another company! (Note: $75 was the amount paid to incorporate Licensed to Kill)

We also received an application form from MEGA Life and Health Insurance (perhaps not the best business move on their part).

...as well as subscription appeals for various magazines, such as: Harvard Business Review, Business Week

A company in China that manufactures cigarette lighters even contacted
us about ordering some customized ware. Here is a sample Licensed to
Kill lighter
they sent us by DHL.


Most of our time this year has been spent raising awareness of our deadly brands, such as:

Global Massacre - "Millions Sold, Millions Dead"

Licensed to Kill - our namesake brand

CHAIN - "Smoke CHAIN and become a CHAIN smoker!"

One of our newest brands, for the African-American market segment, was launched on Goree Island in Senegal earlier this year:

SLAVE - "You used to Pick It, Now you Smoke It!"

L2K's Senior VP of Global Marketing Virginia Slime strikes a pose at the launch

L2K's Managing Dtr for Francophone Africa, Rich Grassalamort at the infamous "Door of No Return"

One of the most exciting and potentially lucrative business developments for Licensed to Kill this past year was its expansion into Nigeria, Africa's most populous country. In February, our company held a well -attended press conference at the National Press Centre in Lagos.

At the press conference, we launched a public relations campaign called "Proudly Killing Nigerians," and a new cigarette brand "weak organ."

Short video of press conference screened. To order a copy, send an email request to tobacco@licensedtokill.biz

Our marketing department will now unveil to you two of our favorite television ads for our products:

Advertisement for "WOMD" cigarettes featuring soldiers marching in line and then a voice over announcing that Licensed to Kill would be shipping free poison puffs to the troops in Iraq.

Advertisement for "SLAVE" cigarettes featuring a person so addicted to cigarettes that the relationship between cigarette and smokers is like that of slave and master. The smoker sits, rolls over, and obeys other commands while salivating for a cigarette held in front of her.

* FOOD *

While we started out solely focused on tobacco products, we have decided to take a clue from one of our main competitors and dabble a bit in the food sector, e.g. ImBalance Bars, GOREO Cookies, sTang Drink, HoneyTomb Cereal, and ADENOID Mints.


We admit that our industry is inherently irresponsible, but hey, the state of Virginia sanctioned our killing up to 5 million people worldwide annually, so we can't be all that bad! Nevertheless, a little positive PR never hurts. That's why we've become one of the primary benefactors of Forlorn Faces orphanage. As we like to say "We don't just build the orphanage...we fill it too!"


Licensed to Kill prides itself with sending individualized responses to queries sent to our customer service line.


This past year we have also worked hard through third party agents to get more of our products in Hollywood movies. Our industry’s efforts seem to be paying off. Film stars smoke in a majority of youth-rated movies!


Licensed to Kill recognizes the value of face-to-face lobbying. In August 2003, several L2K execs attended the 12th World Conference on Tobacco or Health, along with a number of British American Tobacco employees. Photos 1, 2, 3

While conference attendees seemed to appreciate our company's brutal honesty about our deadly line of products, a bunch of annoying youth held a demonstration against our industry. Perhaps our industry needs to start funding more youth programs – maybe that would truly silence the kids.

And in Boston 2003, we hit the National Conference on Tobacco or Health in Boston, our Licensed to Kill cigarette pack mascot in tow.

Unfortunately, the security guards tried to violate our corporate right to free speech and nearly succeeded in kicking us out!

But our most important lethal lobbying took place at two separate international trade negotiations...

In September 2003, our Senior VP of Corporate Communications attended the World Trade Organization Negotiations in Cancun, Mexico, where she lobbied country delegates to put trade over health. Photos 1, 2

And in November 2003, L2K execs attended the Free Trade Agreement of the Americas in Miami, FL and urged delegates NOT to exempt tobacco from the FTAA. As a L2K press release explained, "Tobacco is really no different than milk, carrots, or tea -- it just kills a few more million people around the world annually, if consumed as intended...Indeed tobacco is a commodity just like any other. It is our corporate right, in a global free market economy, to sell death if we choose."

Lastly, our company believes that in addition to fighting those who seek to hurt our business, it is important to recognize those who do our industry favors, such as Utne Reader, which earlier this year decided to reverse its long policy against accepting tobacco advertising. In a letter to the magazine, our CEO wrote: "For many years, your magazine has shamefully denied tobacco companies like ours our constitutional right to free speech. Perhaps it is these patriotic times that have inspired you to champion the true "American Spirit," the freedom to advertise, hoodwink, and even kill in the name of the Almighty Buck..." Regrettably, so many of those annoying youth tobacco control advocates wrote the magazine that it decided to switch back to its old, misguided "no tobacco ads" policy.


© 2003 Licensed to Kill, Inc
Website disclaimer: Licensed to Kill, Inc stands by the veracity, but not the morality
of the contents of www.licensedtokill.biz, as well as the behavior of our company and its public statements.