TO KILL BUSINESS REPORT
presented by CEO Rich Fromdeth & Senior VP of Corporate Communications
"Core" Prutspin at L2K's 2004 Annual Meeting of Stockholders
We would like to begin by first reiterating our company's purpose,
which is: to manufacture and market tobacco products in a way
that each year kills over 400,000 Americans and 4.5 million other
company got off to a rocky start last year, when a bunch of annoying
teenagers held a demonstration in front of Virginia's state capitol
to denounce the state's incorporation of Licensed to Kill.
after, Licensed to Kill received a letter from Virginia's Assistant
Attorney General asking the company to clarify what its business
is about. The Assistant Attorney General noted that, "while
the State Corporation Commission is not tasked with policing the
intent of a corporation, this office is concerned with the safety
and welfare of the citizens of the Commonwealth. Certainly it
would be inadvisable for your corporation to engage in unlawful
conduct in Virginia." View
to Kill sent a response to the Assistant Attorney General, asking
whether she had "sent similar letters to the directors of
other tobacco companies that are already killing thousands of
Virginians each year? Or, may I assume that your concern with
respect to Licensed to Kill will disappear if our company decides
to manufacture and market tobacco products in the same manner
as those other companies?" The company received no response.
great thing about a limited liability corporation such as our
own is that the owners of the company (stockholders) cannot be
held legally responsible for the damage caused by the company.
If you own a lemonade stand and your lemonade makes a bunch of
people sick, you can be held legally liable for the damages you
cause to them. However,
if you incorporate the lemonade stand, then the corporate law
says you (as owner and stockholder) cannot be held liable.
This allows you, our wonderful stockholders, to focus on the money
we are making you (not the "wellbeing" of our company's
loyal, er addicted, wheezing, cancer ridden customers!)
we may have gotten off to a rocky start, but luckily those in
the business world were quicker to recognize the legitimacy of
our company. Soon after we were incorporated, we began receiving
copies of the Wall Street Journal -- apparently a special
perk for Virginia corporations!
also got a letter
from the Virginia Department of Business Assistance (DBA) with
the headline "Virginia is Open for Business." "Whether
you are a new business or just new to Virginia, there is an important
resource to help your business...and it is free. The Virginia
Department of Business Assistance (DBA) is the state's economic
development agency devoted to the growth and success of the Commonwealth's
we began receiving numerous applications for business credit cards,
such as: Capitol
Express even offered us a $75 annual fee waiver. Not a bad
deal in the state of Virginia. With that amount of money, we could
incorporate another company! (Note: $75 was the amount paid to
incorporate Licensed to Kill)
also received an
application form from MEGA Life and Health Insurance (perhaps
not the best business move on their part).
well as subscription appeals for various magazines, such as: Harvard
Business Review, Business
company in China that manufactures cigarette lighters even
us about ordering some customized ware. Here is a sample
Kill lighter they sent us by DHL.
* OUR DEADLY BRANDS *
of our time this year has been spent raising awareness of our
deadly brands, such as:
Massacre - "Millions Sold, Millions Dead"
to Kill - our namesake brand
- "Smoke CHAIN and become a CHAIN smoker!"
of our newest brands, for the African-American market segment,
was launched on Goree Island in Senegal earlier this year:
- "You used to Pick It, Now you Smoke It!"
Senior VP of Global Marketing Virginia Slime strikes a pose at
Managing Dtr for Francophone Africa, Rich Grassalamort at the
infamous "Door of No Return"
of the most exciting and potentially lucrative business developments
for Licensed to Kill this past year was its expansion into Nigeria,
Africa's most populous country. In February, our company held
well -attended press conference at the National Press Centre in
the press conference, we launched a public relations campaign
called "Proudly Killing Nigerians," and a
new cigarette brand "weak organ."
video of press conference screened. To order a copy, send an
email request to firstname.lastname@example.org
marketing department will now unveil to you two of our favorite
television ads for our products:
for "WOMD" cigarettes featuring soldiers marching
in line and then a voice over announcing that Licensed to Kill
would be shipping free poison puffs to the troops in Iraq.
for "SLAVE" cigarettes featuring a person
so addicted to cigarettes that the relationship between cigarette
and smokers is like that of slave and master. The smoker sits,
rolls over, and obeys other commands while salivating for a
cigarette held in front of her.
we started out solely focused on tobacco products, we have decided
to take a clue from one of our main competitors and dabble a bit
in the food sector, e.g. ImBalance Bars, GOREO Cookies, sTang
Drink, HoneyTomb Cereal, and ADENOID
* CORPORATE "RESPONSIBILITY" *
admit that our industry is inherently irresponsible, but hey,
the state of Virginia sanctioned our killing up to 5 million people
worldwide annually, so we can't be all that bad! Nevertheless,
a little positive PR never hurts. That's why we've become one
of the primary benefactors of Forlorn
Faces orphanage. As we like to say "We
don't just build the orphanage...we fill it too!"
* LICENSED TO KILL CUSTOMER SERVICE LINE *
to Kill prides itself with sending individualized responses to
queries sent to our customer service line.
* LICENSED TO KILL GOES TO HOLLYWOOD *
past year we have also worked
hard through third party agents to get more of our products in
Hollywood movies. Our industrys efforts seem to be paying
off. Film stars smoke in a majority of youth-rated movies!
* LETHAL LOBBYING EFFORTS *
to Kill recognizes the value of face-to-face lobbying. In August
2003, several L2K execs attended the 12th World Conference on
Tobacco or Health, along with a number of British American Tobacco
employees. Photos 1,
conference attendees seemed to appreciate our company's brutal
honesty about our deadly line of products, a
bunch of annoying youth held a demonstration against our industry.
Perhaps our industry needs to start funding more youth programs
maybe that would truly silence the kids.
in Boston 2003, we hit the National Conference on Tobacco or Health
in Boston, our
Licensed to Kill cigarette pack mascot in tow.
security guards tried to violate our corporate right to free speech
and nearly succeeded in kicking us out!
our most important lethal lobbying took place at two separate
international trade negotiations...
September 2003, our Senior VP of Corporate Communications attended
the World Trade Organization Negotiations in Cancun, Mexico, where
she lobbied country delegates to put trade over health. Photos
in November 2003, L2K
execs attended the Free Trade Agreement of the Americas in Miami,
FL and urged delegates NOT to exempt tobacco from the FTAA.
As a L2K press release explained, "Tobacco is really no
different than milk, carrots, or tea -- it just kills a few more
million people around the world annually, if consumed as intended...Indeed
tobacco is a commodity just like any other. It is our corporate
right, in a global free market economy, to sell death if we choose."
our company believes that in addition to fighting those who seek
to hurt our business, it is important to recognize those who do
our industry favors, such as Utne Reader, which earlier this year
decided to reverse its long policy against accepting tobacco advertising.
In a letter to the magazine, our CEO wrote: "For many
years, your magazine has shamefully denied tobacco companies like
ours our constitutional right to free speech. Perhaps it is these
patriotic times that have inspired you to champion the true "American
Spirit," the freedom to advertise, hoodwink, and even kill
in the name of the Almighty Buck..." Regrettably, so
many of those annoying youth tobacco control advocates wrote the
magazine that it decided to switch back to its old, misguided
"no tobacco ads" policy.
TO REPORT ON ANNUAL MEETING