We're Rich, You're Dead!

Contact: Corrie Prutspin, tobacco@licensedtokill.biz


Seeks $30+ Million Incentive Package
From the Commonwealth of Virginia

Richmond -- The world's newest multinational corporation, Licensed to Kill, Inc, announced today that it is seeking a $30+ million incentive package from the state of Virginia to relocate in the greater Richmond Area.

"Ideally, we have our eyes on the capitol building itself, but are willing to settle for the Governor's mansion," said CEO Rich Fromdeth, "After all, Governor Warner has been quite hospitable to the tobacco industry of late."

On March 4, Governor Warner and Philip Morris USA announced that the company had finally been lured to Virginia, from its Park Avenue headquarters in new York. According to a press release issued by the Office of the Governor, Philip Morris USA qualifies for a $25 million performance-based grant from the Virginia Investment Partnership (VIP) program. In return, Philip Morris USA will create 450 jobs in the Richmond area, with an annual payroll of $83 million.

"The Governor does not seem to have taken into account how many people the tobacco industry kills annually in Virginia with its products, nor how much money residents of Virginia spend on tobacco-related medical expenses each year," said Licensed to Kill, Inc Director Gray Vastone, "That bodes well for our own relocation initiative."

In order to boost its chances for a favorable relocation incentive package, Licensed to Kill, Inc plans to invest $1 million into local Richmond charities.

"It's a tried and true way of showing that, despite our company's intent to kill 4.9 million people annually, we're really a good corporate citizen," said Corrie Prutspin, Senior VP of Corporate Communications for Licensed to Kill, "Every dollar we donate buys us the freedom to continue business as usual."

On March 18, 2003, Associated Press headlines reported "Virginia is for Philip Morris; Richmond giddy to be new home of cigarette maker." If all goes well for Licensed to Kill, Inc, the headlines will soon read "Virginia is for Licensed to Kill."


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